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Thirty Minute Lament

Title: Thirty Minute Lament Author: fansandflames Chapter: 1/1
Genre: Au, Angst, Drama Rating: PG- 13? (To be safe) Paring: Reita/Ruki Warnings: MxM sex, Use of real names, Drama out the wazoo, Suggestive themes, Fluffity, fluff Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own The GazettE, I only own the mediocore plot Summary: Thirty minutes to decide whether to lament my love, or not. Comments: I  really hope you enjoy. This story was based off the song 30 minutes by Tatu, and once again I can't get ahold of my dear beta..so please excuse any errors.
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Criminals live their lives in seconds 10 seconds, 20 seconds, 30 seconds, even to do your deed and be done.  Seconds, that’s how quickly that moment seemed to happen as I watched my dear friend, my phoenix of a savior be covered in my assailants’ blood. The crimson had splattered like a gushing wind over my face. I could only peer my eyes open in the next moment because the trembling of the rest of my body overwhelmed me, making even that small task daunting.As my hand reflexively moved to feel the liquid covering me I locked eyes with the man’s eyes that lost their light above me, and then quickly over to Akira’s fawn eyes dazed in determination and rage.     Not able to stare into those fierce orbs I looked again back to the deceased man who was mere seconds ago ravishing my body with harsh hands on my silk kimono and skin. There is no other way to put it than to simply say he was trying to rape me.      He lays against me limply now, the heat of his body nearly washed away, and my throat was too dry to let out any more screams. Akira’s baritone voice broke through the thick fog of terror hastily asking for my reassurance, and wellbeing. I let out a small gasp as I was swiftly pulled away from the corpse above me into his feverish arms. My bloodstained blonde locks, and heavily pierced ear was pressed against his chest, and fully able to hear his rapid heartbeat.  It seemed like seconds again when he was pulled away from our embrace.Anxiety washed over me and Roughly empty were my longing, trembling arms. As I watched him fade away from my view I was engulfed in lawful hands that I didn’t want to touch me.     Here, in Yoshiwara I was an un-blossomed flower. That fact was something these vultures of men in denial, and eagerly curious women, liked about me the most. My one fame to recieve in a showhouse with your lewd self on display.As a result, I spent my nights wilting under all their hungry gazes spare for one man’s. Spare one set of fawn eyes that belonged to Akira.   Akira, who had more than my thoughts blossoming before him.  I so cliché- like had fallen in love with him from afar. This rougue had eyes that captured me first and foremost.They were brown in stark, beautiful contrast to his lightly sun kissed skin and obsidian hair. His crisp Yutaka though lose left no imagination to his lean, and muscular frame. He wore his innocence on his sleeve. On display; was his humble presence I would deny to my grave he could ever shed a drop of blood in his life. He, in comparison to others, always looked at me with a devout kindness.     Being the kind man he is I thought that such looks casted my way weren’t special, but the way he would speak out my name passionately filled with benevolence as I drifted past him from time to time I couldn't replace. We only spoke through letters, that he would swiftly pass to me in lew of they dirty, sly, and sarcastic conversation I was used to. Those letters were divine mediums that gave us conversation, understanding, joy, and bonding friendship. However, shamefully for me it also brought on a blossoming love that I wanted with him and him alone. I had a lifetime to live this lie I thought. All the time I would ever need to hide the shame, and the false reality that was my dreams of being with Akira.     When I silently stalked my way to his prisionthoughts of his fate heavily plagued my mind. Criminals are humans in their own right. This one human in particular had mere days ago had thrown his life away to save mine.     He didn’t have a life of tragedy or strife, nor did he have any other reason besides being a begotten hero to have scraping shackles on his wrist. If only I could take his place; if only I could take him away far away.     Before, I thought I  had all the time in the world with this man, but as I slid past the door to his cell I discoverd I had a mere thirty minutes. How cruel.  How heartrending to discover that you only have mere minutes left to live. It didn’t take mere minutes for that man to decide to take me against my will, and it didn’t take mere minutes for unjust law to decide that men don’t rape men, and that saviors don’t truly exist.     My silver tougue rewarded me time alone with this love of mine, I saw his Yutaka is stained brown from old blood, and his hair is a tad tainted with dust. Thankfully,the silk skin of his face at the very least is free of the blood that brutalized him. I spent some time waiting for him to notice my presence examining his form and wandering between the dreams that are my thoughts, and the cold reality that is Akira in front of me chained to the wooden wall behind him.      In his absence I had only his letters to keep him near. Having gone over each one I mulled over my already obvious feelings. I love him. I had so much time to love him unrequitedly without any strength to ever tell him. Part of me thought that I could keep that dark feeling to myself, but options change, chances fail, trains derail. He's on the brink of facing the abyss,but I selfishly couldn't bare the thought of not speaking my feelings. Overwhelmingly, the feeling of futility and cruelty gripped my heart harshly. What did I expect to get out of him if only my own useless peace of mind. And yet I couldn't help but wonder can we fly? Would he perhaps feel the same? We could lose. We could fail.  But clawing at the back of my mind is the fact I only have, thirty minutes to finally decide.     A husky groan filled my ears accompained by the clenching sound of chains jangling broke me from my thoughts, and I looked up from the dust encrusted ground directly into his eyes.  His eyes smiled at me soon followed by his upturned lips that spoke my name once again in utter fondness “Takanori”, he let out hectically filled with joy that knaged at my heart.  “You shouldn’t have come, why would you?” My azure eyes shifted downcast in disappointment, and before I could even begin to turn my body to the door he spoke again “Please don’t take that harshly I’m overjoyed that you did I was slipping into regretif I couldn’t see you one last time.” Thirty minutes, a blink of an eye. Thirty minutes to make up my mind.     At his words I collapsed over to him wrapping my arms tightly around his torso my ears immediately found that irreplaceable music in his chest.  “I’m so sorry.” I breathed out clutching him tighter. “I have absolutely no time to keep these words clawing in my throat away from you.” I kept my guilt ridden eyes down to the floor as I as hastily, muttered out my confession to him. “Akira, I love you.” Seconds dragged on then, and I could vividly hear his quickened heartbeat, as well as the rattling and screeching of chains above me. I scooted back away from him in fear, and utter shame. I thought he was angry, but when I got a glimpse of his face his ink black hair obscured his eyes, but laid bare his tears. His wrist strained against the shackles that held him and his torso inched forward pulling against the restraint “No!” ran past his lips, and suppressed sobs after. To say I felt crushed was an understatement I had broken the man who had thrown his life away for me, mere minutes before he was to die with those ugly words. Words that may have ruined any peace or pride he made have had within him.     Should I hide for the rest of my life? in the moment it takes to make plans, or mistakes As I bit back tears and shakily tried to return to my feet his somber voice spoke up again, “I'm out of time to spend this life loving you, begging to god to gave atleast a blink of an eye to show you truly how much I’ve cared and longed for you, and just you.”  “Takanori I love you, please get back over here please kiss me.”. If only his alluring lips, his warmth could transcend lifetimes. If only we had more time…     Reluctantly, I couldn't help but release his lips from mine as I turned my head to uselessly cry. His voice caressed my ears once again to say, “Taka..do you have any pins in your hair?” I breathed out "Yes" in a broken voice, and he spoke up again, “Use it to free me.” Having perked up at his words I nearly slapped myself out of my own stupidity of course if I release him I could unlock this cell and free us!     Raking through my light blonde hair I finally secured a pin, and moved to his shackles and suppressed a delighted laugh of happiness at the click they make to indicate I’ve sealed his freedom. Tripping and almost slamming into the wooden door in my haste I latch the pin into the lock on the door and desperately try to move it around the mechanisms inside to undo our cage. I raked my hair again searching for a second one hoping to increase my odds of freeing us only to have my eyes brim with unshed, clouding tears at the fact it wasn’t working. Then, his voice spoke up again, “Takanori..” he let out softly “Stop Taka.. that won’t work and I know it..I’ve tried” I whipped my head back to him in sorrow and let out a sob only to be embraced by him once again. I clung to him again helplessly crushed at such a false hope. I didn't blame him, but I could have wilted right there at that bitter reality. “Takanori please allow me to touch you, be closer to you, make love to you even if only once.” “I wouldn’t ever force you even if you say no, is it alright? Even if we only have so much time? Even if were the same?” No words could’ve been grand enough to express the acceptance to his words.Love is the most wonderful oddity. For so long it can keep you from what you desire most long beyond your reach, and then in peaking moments it can turn minutes into an eternity. I ached for his warmth, and his touch. Strong emotions and weaving, caressing hands took my breath away, and left my heartbeat in dangerous shambles. Mewls I had never made passed my lips surprising, and flushing me.  Moans and whispers were escaping my lips interlocking with the ones I never wanted to let go of, that I have so little time with.
    Similar sounds escaped him as well followed by the occasional, longing tear seeping past both of our eyes.  Our kiss wasn’t broken as his hands gingerly slid down my frame, and lightly pulled away moving to his own to untie the single strand that held his Yutaka together, and I could only hear it slip to the floor.  As I tensed up he broke the kiss to caress my check and wipe my tears, and finally moved to lay his clothing out as far spread as it could go beneath us.  He then gently moved his shaky fingers through my hair, and we didn’t have to speak.I moved my equally shaking hands to cast aside is raven bangs while his eyes asked me again and again, “Are you sure, are you sure?... Don’t, if you’re not don’t allow me to hurt you for your pity.” Again, I breathed out, “I love you” and he flashed me a hint of resistance that I silenced with a kiss.      I couldn’t help my eyes from screwing shut when I was finally kneeled to the Yutaka beneath me only to open them again at the whisper of my name. Again those endlessly kind eyes are asking for my reassurance and I nod to them unable to express yes strongly enough.  My eyes fluttered shut once again as his lips wandered down to the crook of my neck, his hands equally busy, but indescribably gentle and safe as they slid down the silk that hid my body from view. I flushed at the feeling of the  white, petaled yutaka as it passed my shoulders, down my back, and onto the floor.     How natural it was, it was almost surprising at how easy it was to be with him. I was ashamed for lying to myself that time, or society was ever on my side. For ever believing that gender was ever a means to say that my love wasn’t worth the time or couldn’t have been as real as anything or anyone else. It knew no boundaries or rules that true criminals bound themselves by. I had love actual whole love that was returned to me just as feverishly. Did it really, truly  matter who I found it in? Without a doubt there was bliss from him I moaned, beckoned, arched, and I clawed. I was free, and with him I am whole. Ruthlessly, I was out of time with only the echo of “I love you.” left in my ears.
30 minutes a blink of an eye
30 minutes to alter our lives
30 minutes to whisper your name 30 minutes to shoulder the blame 30 minutes of bliss 30 minutes to finally decide
“Time's up.”

Loved and Screwed Over

Title: Loved and Screwed Over
Author: fansandflames
Chapter: 1/?
Genre: Au, Angst, Drama
Rating: NC- 17? (To be safe)
Paring: Kyo/Ruki, Reita/Ruki(implied), Others to come
Warnings: MxM sex, Use of real names, Profanity, Drama out the wazoo
Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own The GazettE, I only own the mediocore plot
Summary: I embraced you, and because of that I feel the need to be as melodramatic as I please.
Comments: I hope you enjoy, and once again I can't get ahold of my dear beta..so please excuse any errors.

[Chapter 1]
I can no longer smile like I used to
I’m not the same person that loved him
Once on a February night I embraced that person who was falling apart

And when I say embraced do I mean embraced, sex, lovemaking. This beautiful brunette that was underneath me what seems like every night since then. That one who made me no longer able to sleep in my bed again because his scent would seep into me.  Me who knew I couldn’t have him to myself that I knew I’d never truly have to myself. I lost my chance for that long ago being passive, and feeling too worthless assuming someone better would come and couldn’t even be dumbfounded when they did.

When the woman he loved shattered him and his shell along with him leaving him bare he came to me because he knew that he could count on me.

We were just like that there wasn’t a face we made to one another that we couldn’t read, and there wasn’t an emotion that we couldn’t relate to in one another our pain didn’t know words and while I cut it out with razors and he with metaphoric words to try and make it understandable to himself, to the world we could see it clear as day without all that when we were together.

I loved him.
When he found someone else and that night we shared was over I couldn’t let go to the love I had a taste of to taste was the end of me.
Part 2

I’m a songwriter, a poet so I can be as melodramatic as I please when I say that Ruki is the object of my utter torment when it comes to my love life.  The colorful swallowtail butterfly that I want to consume till there’s nothing left.
Months have passed since that night literally fucking months since we were together and slowly I’ve been losing myself in trying to deny the taste of the feelings that I got ahold of I can write all the songs I please but I can’t get it out like I could if I just told him if I just let him go. Hell honestly even staying away from him could help, but I can’t how can I? When we already agreed that we’d be fine. Besides he was so vigorously chasing after you with a smile and a base line that made you smile honestly.
I can no longer smile like I used to.
I can’t love you like he can. I’ve lost myself, the person that you could love that you could let all of your pain and your joy out to. I won’t receive it I won’t comprehend it I won’t treasure it he’s the one that you need I told you that once before…
I stared right back at those uncovered hazel eyes that had those brunette fringes falling perfectly yet annoyingly to cover one side of that ethereal face. A face that I spat utter lies into when I told you that I loved you, but didn’t need you to keep those feelings that I didn’t want yours, and that I couldn’t handle them.
Like the heavenly body that you are I watched the light engulf you away when you opened that door to leave.

However, because you and I were so close we stayed friends.  We defined what that night meant for us right? So it didn’t matter. Ruki know that because I love you I tolerate as best I can the fact that you bloom into happiness again right in front of me.

I don’t like uttering his name, but at night I cringe with depression around 3 am, you know that time of the night that loves to hear your secrets, and sink into the fact that you’re probably spending the night moaning that name that I can’t even bear to say.

His fucking name is Akira right?

It’s a nice name to you a name you say laced with affection around me whether you mean to or not. Much better than Tooru I’m sure, but you moaned out my name too, and I can’t help but love that fact so much that it makes me turn so base. That fact and that echoing sound makes me smirk with pettiness every time he and I cross paths.
Of course, eventually while we prattle being practically in a cock measuring contest over you, you became none too pleased with me.

That was time away from you I didn’t like. Your scent crawled from my bedroom to the entirety of my home, as a further consequence I couldn’t even escape from you on stage, so I swallowed backstage for some fan I didn’t care about, and then even more of my pride passed down my throat when I apologized to Reita.

You’re not mad at me anymore, so you pass me by more and tease me with your wit and poetry. You shared your new songs with me that I die and feel alive in, and you look at me again in shock when I call you Takanori again like I did that night.

More months past and I’d rather have you hate me than be my friend. However I come to hate myself for thinking that way because everyone says the true mark of love is to be happy for said loved one even when they love someone else. People say to cherish the relationship you had with said loved person, but I swear I’d rather have you hate me than to have you in my house again. Or to see your ravishing hazel eyes staring at my bellowing form on stage. To stand under the stage lights and think they blaze at me with lust when you see my shirtless skin.

It’s now that I’m boiling over. Ruki right now when I open my door again to see your once so shatterable being on my couch Shinya’s drumstick in hand practically flourishing with happiness I didn’t cause. You sat waiting for me to return home just to say,

“Look! Look! I actually caught Shinya’s drumstick. That really is one of the most exciting things I wish we could throw more into the crowd at shows I’m sure they feel how I feel now.”

I mutter to prepare for you once again with, “You came all the way here just to tell me that?”

You expect my subpar coldness, and retort without playful banter to even counter me, “Yeah, and? If you don’t want me around I shouldn’t have a key I couldn’t catch you backstage and-“

I cut you off with my words and damn near spit out, “Stop coming to my shows so much.”
I mean It, but I don’t and you know me too well you’re not fazed by the sternness behind my words you think this typical of me, and you know how to handle me you know how to swallow it and spit it back in a clever sentence because you’re a songwriter and a poet. Therefore because of that you can handle me being as melodramatic as I please so when I blurt out, “Go fucking home Ruki”

You chuckled, cackled fucking snorted at the use of your stage name passing my lips that ache for your rosette ones.

And then you said, “Ruki? You haven’t called me that in ages.”

And then you click that flirtatious tongue that captivating tongue against the tip of your teeth and smirk. Then what promenaded past those lips again was the banter I was trying to steel up for.

“Kyo are you trying to depersonalize from me or something? That’s in bad taste the pass for calling me by my name extends only to you and Akira, but Akira more exclusively.”

I felt pathetic if that could describe how utterly embarrassing the thought was that entered my mind that I was no longer in that one special place that could call your name. Is ashamed a better word to use to say that I sat here for months on end trying to get over me when you seem so obviously over me?

So it spilled out it was almost like literal vomit as sick as it made me feel, and in the moment I hoped you puked when it came out too. I hoped that there would be a chain reaction as for a type of reaction I wasn’t even sure, but there it was nonetheless my disgusting, shame inducing, cringe worthy word vomit when I said, “You hurt.”  “Everything about you fucking hurts, and you prance around me and play games with me like you’re as oblivious as anything. How fucking dare you do that to me I can’t stand being around you like this I let you in and its tearing me fucking apart. You do it so cruelly with a smile and a smirk like it was ok to saunter around me and I was fucking stupid to think that it would be. I’m fucking in love with you truly with you more than I’d ever care to dribble out to you without being on top of you and I don’t want this I liked being how I was because I’m not someone who can fucking have you anyway remember?!”

Was that stupid? Was I playing the victim? Did I sound like I was in fucking high school again to think that this “friends” thing would actually work when I still had feelings?
I wasn’t even thinking and I was stupid enough to think that I was thinking when I wasn’t even trying and I let this go on.

And yet somehow I don’t know how I got here. I don’t know what hurt enough that kept me from you when in the beginning I thought I was helping you when in reality I wanted you no matter what.

I twisted, distorted, and contradicted myself because of this and as you left my home surely disgusted by my vomit I watched you go and I fucking pined for you still.


Title: Saudade
Author: fansandflames
Chapter: 1/?

Genre: AU, Angst, Drama, Some fluff
Rating:  NC-17
Pairing:   Akira and Takanori? (Reita and Ruki?), Akira and OC Takanori and Kiyoharu (and others)
Synopsis: "He's far from loving me whenever I'm around him its an endless feeling of saudade".
Warnings: Use of real names, Profanity, MxM sex, Violence
Disclaimer:  Sadly I do not own the GazettE, I only own the mediocore plot.
Comments: This is an edit of a fic that I started long ago that I couldn't get satisfied with I'm trying it again hoping it's improved, but we'll see. Hope you enjoy. :) Also please excuse any errors I can't seem to find my beta..

[Chapter 1]

"I have saudade of you"...

A small scowl crossed Takanori's glossed lips as he crossed out the sentences he wrote above, drumming his fingers,decorated with black nail polish, on the top of the music sheet stand he was in front of.
Distantly he could hear Yutaka trying to get his attention.
Sighing internally Takanori merely looked up in the drummer's direction inquiring his attention was gained.

"Ruki, practice is over." he stated flatly.

Takanori said a silent goodbye to Kouyou and Yuu as they had already waved and said their goodbyes exiting with loud gestures. Akira on the other hand had yet to leave, occupied with talking on his phone which occupied one of his hands as he tried to slip on his jacket.

"Yeah I know practice is over now, hun." He said.

"I'll be there soon, don't worry there isn't much snow this time, and I won't be driving so don't worry about me." His smile looked warm even though it was clear that she couldn't see it so there was no need to beam so brightly was all the vocalist could think.

The bassist continues on however uttering "Aishiteru" to her as he hangs up the phone and lets out a small embarrassed huff to the stares of his vocalist and drummer.

"Sorry" he smiled meekly, and it made Yutaka smile back.

"How cute Rei, though I have to admit at this point I'm out of jokes to make since I've already heard the wedding bells. What's next? The patter of little feet across the house?"

Takanori scoffs silently. "The last thing the world needs is for that idiot to start breeding".

Akira let out a small laugh and merely held up his by then gloved hand.
"If only you could see what finger I'm holding up right now." He retorted back as a playful smile touched his lips.

"Who still wears gloves like that?

Gloves where all the fingers are meshed together in one socket with only the thumb retaining its own separate socket they were mittens not truly uncommon winter wear, but they gave the vocalist displeasure. His inner stylist found them unfashionable and strictly for children. At least that's who he thought to be the gloves targeted demographic. However, seeing them on Akira despite his blatant disapproval over something so small made Takanori smile brightly at those gloves that showed what can sometimes be Akira's chid-like nature, his playfulness and ultimately his desire to have Takanori resume his banter at him. Taking the oppertunity the vocalist fought the creeping smile that threatened to conquer his face and spoke up wanting to remain aloof, "Honestly they're horrid, they make me cringe just having to see them . Nightmares literally fill my mind about those nubby things reaching out for me." Takanori stated while trying to fight his smile further by placing a cigarette between his rosy lips.

Akira on the other hand made no effort to hide his smile from the other man, and it made Takanori's heart aflutter with sheer excitement together with a sharp ache of pain.

"Forgive me for not consulting the fashionista of the group about my glove choice, and really try to keep me out of your weird fetish dreams about my hands." Akira stated slyly to the petite man.

"As much as I'd like to continue this stimulating conversation, can we hurry it up? I'd like to go home at some point today  despite the delay of having to drive your ass home." Takanori said, still trying to light his cigarette.

He abandoned the task for the moment as he said his goodbyes to Yutaka, and braced himself for the engulfing cold of winter. Stepping outside the PSC company building he shivered slightly at the winters embrace, grimacing as it touched his cheeks with no muffler to cover them. Akira on the other hand wasted no time and was more than prepared for the weather they found themselves in as he headed down the grey sidewalk, towards Takanori's parked car. He knew it well; it was a small black Toyota that Takanori had acquired when he was 15. The vocalist was so proud of his little "tou-tou" as he had come to nickname it, that he just refuses to buy another car despite the fact that he was 20 now. But Akira supposed age of the owner isn't really a reason to buy a new car, besides he has kept It in good condition. It hardly showed the long haul it's been through as Takanori and Akira had lived in it once when the band was first starting.

He smiled slightly and murmured, "Hey tou-tou" as he stood by the passenger side door. He had walked faster than he was aware of as the brunette vocalist wasn't there when he looked across to the driver's side, but appeared a bit after in a huff with his cheeks flushed red from the cold.

"You could've slowed down a bit you know." he huffed out as a shaky hand moved to put the key into the door, unlocking both sides.

"Weren't you the one who said hurry up? It's not my fault your midget legs can't get you from point A to point B in a timely fashion." Akira smirked as Takanori flipped him off with a still shaking hand and replied, "You can see what finger I'm holding up can't you?"

"I'm not sure, get on your toes so I can see over the top of the car more clearly." Akira laughed out and Takanori replied a mumbled "Fuck you" whilst he climbed into the car.

Akira followed suit and buckled his seat-belt as the car started and covered his ears immediately as a loud Maximum the Hormone song blasted his ear drums. Takanori turned down the radio's volume quickly if only to save Akira's ears rather than his own, those should have already been deadened because of the constant booming volume he kept his music on sometimes.

"Jesus Ru how do you fucking drive with that blaring?" Akira uncovered his ears slowly just in case he'd have to move them back quickly and spare another assault on his ears.

"I don't really think you're one to talk about how I drive, I'm the one that has to drive you home since you wrecked your car".

"I did not wreck It.. I just hit ice a bit and hit a small curve is all".

Takanori just rolled his eyes.

"That, as I said, effectively wrecked the front of your car thanks to the ice and your speeding."

"Anyway.." The blonde bassist muttered, really wanting to avoid the conversation of Takanori prattling on about his bad driving skills.

"Thanks for driving me Ru."

To that the brunette just muttered a "Hm" in response. That was all that was needed between them.

As they stopped at a red light Akira noticed the little brunettes hands were still shaking.

"You get cold so easily." The blonde shook his head a bit as he turned the heat dial placed on the torn and ragged dashboard on high, only to frown in disappointment as no sign of heat came out.

It appeared that Takanori had really only kept the outside of the car intact. To say the least the bassist was a little more than worried about that fact, and couldn't help but voice his concern.

"Ruki honestly the hell? How are you driving around in the winter with no heat?"

"I manage just fine. I don't drive to far."

To that the blonde could only sigh, exasperated.

"You have enough money to fix It don't you? If you need some just-"

He was cut off by Takanori's words, "Of course I have enough money to fix it, but it's just that the interior isn't really all that important to me, I'll manage, whether it's fixed or not".

"That's silly Ru, stop being so lazy".

"It's not a matter of laziness." was his stern reply to the prying bassist.

After that the drive was silent. It didn't take long for the duo to arrive in front of Akira's home in the upper part of Tokyo. It was a bit away from the busy city in a little suburb. Nice and cookie cutter as Takanori liked to call it. Not that he had any quarrels with his bandmate living in a nice neighborhood it was just something about it irked him. It just didn't strike him as "Reita", this is where "Reita" lives. Maybe it was because he knew him as his bassist, the one who never really was for places like this to begin with, or maybe because he didn't see that he's not just "Reita" anymore. He's Suzuki Akira, and the beautiful woman there fluttering down the sidewalk down to the right edge of the home getting the mail from their little mailbox is Suzuki Eren, his wife.

She gave a small wave to Takanori, and her betrothed as she noticed the car at a stop closer to the houses driveway making no movement to get closer to the vehicle and merely walked back to the front door lingering there waiting for her husband. To this Takanori let out a inaudible scoff it was typical for her to act this way to act like shes not watching when he knows she is, but somewhere in his mind hes glad she does, glad that it could be her way to show shes threatened by him. Before darker thoughts can cloud the little vocalist mind Akira speaks up gaining his attention.

"I'll see you later Ru."

To that once again all the brunette replied was "Hm" as he tried once again to light his cigarette, grinding his teeth at his useless lighter. He heard a baritone chuckle and the click of a flame bursting to life as his cigarette was lit by the man next to him.

Takanori muttered a quiet "Thanks" to which the blonde man just nodded.

"You really should stop, you'll kill your voice and I can't have that."

Once again Takanori's heartbeat was rapid "I can't have that" echoed in his head and he couldn't help but hate his thoughts in that moment he denied himself the delusional pleasure of taking the kind statement to heart because surely Akira meant such words strictly for the sake of the band. There's no way that if the little vocalist were to lose his voice would Akira be so personally affected by it, and to say that he specifically couldn't bear to have an event like that happen there's no personal attachment. It was for the band honestly just because of the band.

Takanori steeled himself for another bantered response and spat out, "The day a blockhead like you is right I'll seriously consider your advice."

"Well I suggest you should prepare then, honestly Ruki I worry." The softness of his tone felt so real, and the concern, so genuine if the conversation continued longer like this it would be more than the brunette vocalist could take.

Suddenly the little brunette felt something warm grace his neck and he moved pale, painted finger tips to gain an idea of what the foreign touch was. It was warm and soft and smelt like Akira. Almost falling into a breaking point with angry tears brimming his eyelids Takanori was thankful to hear Akira speak up again.

"Or you can wrap it around your hands, either way you can't just kick it in the fucking winter Ru." The blonde's baritone utters as he rolls his fawn eyes.

"Thanks again, see you." was the last Takanori heard before the passenger door fell shut, and he watched Akira as he sauntered quickly to the front door of his home and caught the cringing sight of lips caressing and Akira's arms embracing the winter kissed figure of his wife and finally watching as the wedded duo entered their home.

The vocalist azure eyes flashed down into a darker haze as he stared at the closed door, the buzzing of his phone slightly illuminating the fabric of his black skinny jeans. The brunette releases a bitter sigh accompained with a small smile gracing is lips sidles the phone from his pocket checking his buzzing device.

Message from: Kiyoharu

Text: Come now I'm fucking waiting on you butterfly~

Illuminated Grey

Title: Illuminated Grey
Author: fansandflames
Genre: AU, Drama, Romance, Hint of Smut?
Disclaimer: The boys of the GazettE belong to themselves, I only own the story
Chapters: 1/1
Warnings: MalexMale relationship
Summary: "My love is made out of three things: the dawn, the sunrise, and to you redundancy. In my darkest hour to my sad eyes you became my only source of light".

[Chapter 1]
"My love is made out of three things: the dawn, the sunrise, and to you redundancy. In my darkest hour to my sad eyes you became my only source of light"

    When I was first introduced to him he said nothing. "This is Ruki" my dimpled, brunette classmate breathed out  to us with his "cheerful" smile, that I could never place as cheerful at all, was no doubt excited about his new "friend", but Ruki couldn't have looked more apathetic with his own introduction. That dimpled, brunette ,Yutaka, spent days with him slithering down our school hallway his smile shadowing  the way he lead, and his Ruki's petite form casting back a light where envious stares were illuminated.

    When he was finally denied by Ruki it didn't take long it never does in a place like this for those words to spread "He's nothing,  a no one so I dropped him" Not worth my time worthless people like that will let you do anything to them"
And it's truly strange how "nothing" can effectively peak curiosity.

     Our "delightful" peers came for him cornering that slender being against the locker-ed wall  where as if on script he said nothing, and nothing about him screamed "Why?" Or even  "Leave me alone" nothing like that  even threats were not worth interest and even I grew tired of that blank space I wanted him to show me his worth...that I had worth, and so he'd scream something whether it'd be that and only that, a scream. I  joined those "upstanding" students  until he muttered out to me and only me in that shockingly light yet baritone voice, "You're not a bully, you're not anything and eventually I'll forget it, in my own way that's really just as much of  a life's cliché as being beat in a school hallway, and why is that? Because that's just what it is, and that's all, because I'm living to die and that's just how it works." He shed a few tears and said to me "You're nothing"

       I didn't understand him. Was that cynicism? Narcissism? Or just someone who'd given up?  I needed an answer. Being nothing, to a no one sits well with not one person, myself included.
  Of course I didn't get any answers how could I have even Yutaka and his "effervescent", dimpled smile couldn't crack him and concluded  he was more questions than answers or more like something to be easily, and hurtfully labeled as nothing. I took to practically stalking that petite enigma that was Ruki. It was so embarrassing that I might as well have been breathing down his neck wetting it with my questions "Why, why, why?" and "Who are you?" please speak to me again and tell me,  "How can I become something to you?" Look at me and only me just once wont you? Stop staring at these stale walks with those eyes and gracing those pieces of paper with your elegant script let me graze that delightful pierced ear with my voice alone so that I can be heard. Look at me once and stop your scowl. Please look up, and take a good look sweep aside those silk golden fringes with your pale, painted finger tips. Cackling to myself I easily asked, "Isn't it strange?" What kind of crap cliché was happening to me?
  Continuing this life that could really only be his now,  I arrived  to our unplanned, but predestined meeting place, school. Stepping past the threshold into the classroom I entered a scenery that was akin to what anyone would call a universal opportunity.  We were alone, and my falling mind urged me to confess, and I'm sure most use it for something like that, though I plainly tried to pull myself away from the repudiation and disgrace of that, of spilling and and begging for warmth and worth with a string that was too thin and quickly turning red. It was only that subduing "nothing", it was only Ruki that made me question what about this moment  that even made it scenic. There was the classroom bathed in the early dawned day. And It was him that make me think about what stirs our emotions like watching the light the sun break the sky from  the dark and grey of the night, and transition to the yellow of the sun that tells us we're alive, awake once again only to repeat it again with the same scene but many different scenarios.
  I gazed at him, looking for something to answer my questions and flash around to those who could only see "nothing". My early tracking couldn't compare to this moment where I could notice him in a moment that was made just for him,  a moment where all my questions were answered as to what he was, he was a captivating, and engaging dawn.

He was just like a morning sun.

    I took the time to detail once again that his locks were blonde, dyed, I was sure. And when my eyes moved to his skin, I soaked in that pallid being as if I had a morning of revelation right in front of me at that time I was foolishly denying my feelings because he was a boy. I was denying that with him it was a pale I enjoyed one that made me wonder and want to touch. With that skin he made me realize that it wasn't because it was forbidden ,or it was something that could be tainted by my touch that I wanted to touch him. I simply wanted to because it gave me something that I'd never thought I'd obtain, it gave me something to live for. The whole of his profile was just that. His lips were rosy, yet pale like his skin and a shape I'll never forget, it's little details like that, that captured me, and I could never utter it to him, because I refused to introduce that luminous creature to my common place words that would surely spill out if I tried to say it outloud. His eyelids were covered in such  a deep, deep dirty black it was as if it was deprived from a coals ash, and maybe that's why those azure orbs, when they looked up at me, when they finally looked up at me, seemed like they were just so ethereal. But to my dismay he just looked up, with that nothing stare, that blank stare he had when he spewed those words at me that day  and he asked me what I was doing staring, and of course I said nothing, nothing at all. That was all I could have said because to him that's what we're all doing living for nothing dying for nil. Here we were existing with no one to find or forever remember us after we disappear. To him  I was  I was the nothing, and that's the only answer that enamoring sunrise would give me.

    Here in a warm colored dream only I got to know that "nothing" boy with his pale skin and those azure eyes that couldn't be real, I touched that skin and felt the heat of his breath exhaling through the shape of those lips that I won't forget and my rugged nails dug a little too deep in that pallid skin and his cries were laced with warmth that lingered and clung to my skin and he was the only one who I'd let say my name that way. In a way I could forever enjoy, "Akira, Akira" he'd breathe, so jagged in ecstasy because he felt me , and I felt extraordinary being so whole this way, here with him inside the mixture that is us. Our souls overlapped and it was so dirty and pure with its explainable fervor. The heat was of course fleeting, and could only last a seconds around us. Through those warm dreams eventually came cold realities he is a blink within a countless flutters of seconds.  And like those flutters of seconds when that morning scenery passed again he was gone without a trace.
   Despite what people would tell themselves through life and to me, phrases saying  that there will be others, time moves forward,and other worn out movements of the tongue like that I couldn't let you go.
Why does the sun come up Ruki? And is it worth waiting for? There are those who live without it some it more than most, myself included, we dig for it only to be covered in mud and dirt and come to hate and distrust, to feel ugly and dirty, and to feel in our minds we're the very essence of that. Because Ruki I didn't tell you that I was just droning though life because Mom was always gone without a word and no matter what Dad did I always hated him and I covered my nose like this, and went by a alias that wasn't mine because it was as simple and common as hating what I saw .
   I concluded he came to me as nothing because he was pure, the light, and unreachablefor most who are living. To me he  is how stagnation and uncertainty is washed away through his light that ends up breaking the grey and then a luminosity that can wash away pain and tears. That's what Ruki is and I was born here surely, I realize to go through this life again with that same scenery, and those different scenarios with him and now without Ruki I'm leaving only prayers that shed, overflow from my mouth, "Please let me love, HIM I beg from the bottom of my heart to have something to live for, someone to live for, and let it to be returned".
"I love you, Ruki"
 You'll come unwavering tomorrow won't you Ruki?, and you'll Illuminate me because I lived for you, and... I'll die for you

    And so, he did and his hanging body, with his cracked neck cupped harshly in the rugged rope that shone brightly under the luminous rays of the morning sun.. he is.left unrequited.


Ladies and Gentleman, the Sadist Play

Title: Ladies and Gentleman, the Sadist PLay
Chapters: 1/??
Paring: Kyo/Ruki Reita/Ruki
Summary:Love at the far reaches of infatuation. There is no line between love and pain, Isn't that right?
Note: In kyo's perspective (and sorry if it sucks and stuff ^^ll)

[Chapter 1]It’s a wonderful feeling that I’ve gained over the years. I’ve become encapsulated with it, in music and otherwise.
It’s wonderful but wasteful.
It’s so common to talk about. That it almost becomes boring.
But I’ve come to love drowning in it just as much as they’ve all come accustomed to seeing it.
To drown.
In what was it again?
That’s so simple.
To slice open my skin?
Even more simple.
When did things become so simple? So mundane?
I saw the lights hit his stage and that too started out boring. But then his mouth opened and poetry flowed out in hymns. Hell, Pain, Passion, Derangement, was all that could be found there. I found him again, wanting to see him. Small talk never interested me and what he had to say even more so, It uninterested me to the core. I just wanted to merely see; Oh he was far from simple. I drew him in and now I’ve found him again,this time underneath me.

My nails; dug into the pale skin of your chest until you begged for a release. Whether it is sexual or from this pain I could care less you were getting neither one. Your only response to my dirty, harsh kisses and merciless hands is an agonized whimper and that alone actually makes me smile. Your blue-eyed gaze over me was intense and at the same time so fragile; nothing at all like the way your grip around the razor, that burrows itself into my skin, is.
No that, that is downright fierce. It lets me know that you want to hurt me. Could it be you’re envious of this role that I the “S” am in this S&M play? ..No It doesn’t matter now; you’ve already given yourself to me.

” I promise that I won’t lose count of your breaths”.

My dominating hands wrap themselves around a trembling throat, and I can’t help but wonder how the trembling would feel under my hands if you sang to me now. Oh how “Naraku” would be so fitting to hear from your beautiful voice. But I have to focus now I promised not to lose count of your breathing. I’ll count to ten every round; whispering the numbers in your ear, letting my lips brush against it softly just this once. I’ll only release my hands slightly when I feel you writhe even more; as your whole body fights for a slither of air. You gasp and whisper my name in weak voice fighting hard to not let a moan slip through and I smirk, wiping my hand across my stomach to pick up the spilling crimson that I’ll use on my needing member to invade inside of you and start this twisted dance. I’ve abandoned the task of whispering those sweet nothings into your ear but keep a grip around your throat. I want to watch you now.

Your naked body seems to be sinking into my soft sheets, sticking to it even, by bounds of sweat and dripped blood. Your dirty blonde hair is a disorderly mess across the sheets and your red lipstick is skewed across your swollen lips no doubt staining mine as well. Your face is flushed rouge and strands of your hair stick to the sides of your cheeks and forehead. I smirk at your blue eyes that are hazed over, half open, and brimmed with tears.

“Are you sad?”

No, I don’t care enough to find out. I could give a fuck less how you feel. How your body feels around me is all that matters. Your desperate gasping breath is what cues me in out of my reverie. I wasn’t counting. Your neck will surely have a bruised picture of my hands now.

I grab your trembling wrist.The one that holds my razor in your hand and bring it up to my stomach once again. Guiding it to roughly drag across my skin. I can’t help it now, can’t help but laugh and thrust harder into you as I watch my blood seep in and drip onto your skin. I’ve never wanted to lick something more.

You don’t even look frightened as this wonderful scene plays out in fact you finally moan out my name softly and it drives me over the edge as I pound one last time into you, filling you with nothing that can be called a gentle bliss. No, you’ll remember that as a rough euphoria. And I’ll remember it as an annoying rewind as my eyes snap open only to be greeted with the rise of the blinding sun through the curtains of my bedroom window. I look down to see my hand wrapped around myself once again obscured by a white sticky mess and I roll my eyes. It happened again and I can’t help but lick my lips to taste your imaginary lipstick that lingers there. This time I didn’t even get to the part where you scream out my name
Title: "Love, Dopamine, I'm Addicted Like It's Cocaine"
Chapter: Chapter 3 A Dreadful Meeting..
Pairing: Reita/Ruki Ruki/OC
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the story sadly
Summary: The band has split apart leaving Reita in a cold new life he never wanted that he fills with apathy and girls. Until Ruki shows up again in a way that Reita never expects.
Comments: thoughts are bold also sorry if this totally blows llD and if there are a ton of errors I'm sorry i hope you all like it.

[Dont you want anything Takanori?]"Don't you want anything Takanori?"...

That name...Don't let be him. Oh God. Not him.

The woman's partner, Takanori, merely shook his head and paid for the sweets silently.

She bowed to Kai and Reita briefly and found a seat near the window of the bakery, awaiting the man to join her.

As he moved toward the table to join her Kai spoke up.

"He sure is a quiet husband."


It can't be him then he'd never marry. Not after her…

"Maybe you were too busy staring at the woman Aki, but you might have wanted to look at her hand first that's her husband they're married. Honestly Akira do you pay attention to anything other than breast? Why are you so surprised anyway?"-Kai spoke.

"I'm not surprised. I just didn't put much stock in a random customer’s relationship to one another. She's not my type anyway."

"If you weren't trying to put much stock into them why were you staring?~"

To that, the black and blond haired man said nothing.

"I know what you're thinking...i thought so too when he first walked in his aura...his appearance…Everything. But I'm sure if it was him he'd say something wouldn't he? A small indication...something." Reita did nothing but watch as the shorter man's face and tone turned from cheerful to that of a deep melancholy, watching him fail miserably for the second time today. This time fighting to not stare in Takanori's direction and think about "him"

Goddamnit keep reminding me why you don’t. You loved him i get it. Don't show it to me again i can't comfort you about it. About him.

"D-do you think it's him? Should I go talk to him? I should, shouldn't I? -The shorter man's voice became ecstatic and quick. Excited and anxious almost those of something like desperation. But before Kai could even reach for the counters door handle, a firm hand gripped his arm. No words had to be said between them. Reita didn't want to say any, anyway. Even so the black haired man understood the silent reprimand coming from his friend. Mumbling "sorry" to the white coated tile floor, Yutaka looked down to the cold white squares and back up to face Reita again quickly with a cheerful smile. And To put it simply it irritated Akira.

That's how he ended up on the bench in front of the small bakery. Should he be working? Helping Kai? Sure most likely. But he was too irritated. The couple was still inside the bakery enjoying that poison of Kai's no doubt and it left Reita to wonder if he should leave Kai alone with that could be past love of his. Leaning back into the sun warmed wood of the bench. Watching the smoke of his cigarette fade away inches above his face as he exhaled Reita decided, "It doesn't matter." He let his head hang off slightly as he relaxed it on the head of the bench holding the cigarette lightly between plump lips. He sat still like that for who knows how long and his eyes soon drifted closed.

"What do you mean you want the band to break up Ruki?!"

He stood away from him distantly Kai was the last one he talked to...that's right

"Kai...just listen i can't I’m sorry I-" A rising frantic voice cut him off. Causing the blond to step away further in a slow, backward, trembling step. As if Kai's voice was a force that pushed. Or even one to be feared. He definitely wasn't one to yell. "You can't?!!"

"Ruki you promised. This was something we weren't going to give up on! This was our dream!!" his voice was a shaking mess now. His lips quivering, eyes fighting stinging tears. His hands and body shaking so furiously it was almost like the motion would eventually cause his very bones to snap and his body to collapse to the floor. A spirit breaking, Reita mused, would look something like that.

He just stood there stoically... There was no second thought about that. But Reita just didn't see. Ruki's hands were awkwardly shoved in his pockets. It was all he could do to prevent himself from reaching out to his band mate with embarrassingly trembling hands that begged to say "Gomen nasai" a gruesome tremble encapsulating his body as well. Even so he'd let there be no trace of such weakness that was Ruki. Always trying to hold that composure.

And Reita, his hands just shook begging to step out and yell "You bastard" to let those shaking hands convey...convey what exactly.


Memories are flashing.

That voice saying...

"Won't you come to Tokyo with me?..."

"Stop it..."

"Your hair has pink in it like mine."

Fucking Stop...this colored dream

His hands clasped into tight fist. He didn't hear the approaching footsteps.

Or hear that same voice ask,

"Are you OK?"

His eyes snapped open to see that man standing in front of him. And he dared to whisper it. So quiet, fragile like it would break in the very air it passed through.


[Chapter 1]Title: "Love? Dopamine? I'm Addicted Like It's Cocaine"
Chapter: Chapter 1 "Just Gloomy"
Pairing: Reita/Ruki Ruki/OC
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the story sadly
Summary: The band has split apart leaving Reita in a cold new life he never wanted that he fills with apathy and girls. Until Ruki shows up again in a way that Reita never expects.
Comments: thoughts are bold also sorry if this totally blows llD and if there are a ton of errors I'm sorry i hope you all like it.

“Reila….she’s dead I’m so sorry Ruki”

I love you more than anyone else
Tomorrow you’ll surely come home right?


The blood on the napkins, the knife skewed on the table With blood.
That blood is yours.
And that's you. in that black bag that couldn't shield the room from the coldness of your body.


“What do you mean you want the band to break up?! Ruki?!”


I loved you a lot but it’s time to part
Farewell we’ll definitely meet again, right? You, whom I love, become a precious memory


Pinkies that got linked in promises and words I never got to say where wrapped up until they couldn't breathe by this gold ring and now they’re gone.

And then her pale hands wrap around his.

"And they say wives like to stare at their rings" she says with a smile that reaches her eyes

This, that I’m seeing through a hazy colored loophole, is a warm colored dream.

“So you’ll call me later today then” she said dreamily. What her name was, Akira honestly couldn’t remember.

Fuck what was her name?
“Yeah, sure” He shrugged casually as he watched her watch him with the most hopeful look, he hated when they looked like that, that’s why he tried to avoid eye contact as much as possible. Especially in these awkward morning moments where everything is as much of a lie as it was the night before. Probably even more so now that nothing was groggy, hazed, and said over a slurred tongue with promises he obviously never intended to keep. Why couldn't they understand that?
Akira was never too sure but he never took the time to stop and think about it himself either. In the end he figured it didn’t really matter if he saw her again he’d ignore her. Lying always became a girl’s favorite passion after he was done with them. At least as far as he was concerned.

When did things stop mattering? Akira wasn’t too sure of that either, at least he couldn't really pinpoint it anymore and maybe he never knew what it was to begin with. But he had this feeling. That gnawing feeling you get when you know you’re sure something in you changed. Something you thought would be burned in the deepest part of your memories. A feeling would always be there until the day you die. But suddenly everything stopped and someone said goodbye… Yeah Akira wasn’t too sure but between the groggy grey sky, that was there no matter what season it was, and the damn annoying street that he walks down day to day that practically screams boulevard of broken dreams; it didn’t fucking matter. So he lights up another stick, just more smoke to thicken the fog

[Chapter 2]Title: "Love? Dopamine? I'm Addicted Like It's Cocaine"
Chapter: Chapter 2 "The Color Grey"
Pairing: Reita/Ruki Ruki/OC
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the story sadly
Summary: The band has split apart leaving Reita in a cold new life he never wanted that he fills with apathy and girls. Until Ruki shows up again in a way that Reita never expects.
Comments: thoughts are bold also sorry if this totally blows llD and if there are a ton of errors I'm sorry i hope you all like it.

Actually it was a nice day, a sunny day, the sun planted high in the sky pushing away the feeble clouds with its powerful rays. The only thing keeping it from being a blistering hot spring day was the cool breeze that came sauntering in from the sea. The light brushes of air touched the trees softly creating a wonderful scenery, The bright pink cherry blossom petals dancing lightly with the gentle air throughout the streets. But to Reita it couldn't have looked more grey. And he didn't care for that color much. In fact he didn't even see it as a color. He leaned against the counter of the small bakery, his head plastered against his fist watching his colorless, silent film out the window. Surely he's not color blind. He knows what cherry blossoms look like, the color of his clothes. Dyed black, of course, but that's never hard to recognize. He knows colors he remembers which, if he was being honest was all of them. The thing was, he had just lost interest in painting them in. What's the use of the boring red of her lipstick, the ugly green of that girls dress that she loved to wear,and that blue..well that blue hadn't interested him since it disappeared from the spectrum. His eyes just never saw it again; and he never saw it in anyone else's eyes. But even that was boring if he was telling the truth. Or maybe if he was being a really good liar to himself. Ah fuck it. If science was right all those colors can turn black and fade to grey so it just wasn't worth it.
Nothing mattered.

His film was soon interrupted by a rude audience member. He didn't even have to turn to know who and what was behind him.
Yutaka, of course, and the baked goods he was carrying out on a silver tray.

Yutaka, the one connection to the life he lead before that he didn't ask for. When the band split the air was flooded with promises of contact and occasional coffee dates. Ridiculous and perhaps too much like a bad meeting with an Ex as they were, they did happen and as Reita expected the time between them got longer, contact stopped, numbers changed, and they faded into the grey. Until Kai came along standing in his doorway like nothing happened. Like nothing had changed, bearing a smile and another dream.

Reita needed a job anyway, something to fill his time away from the thoughts that lay inside his mind's boring playground.

"You shouldn't stare out the window like that, like i said you'll scare all the customers away with that face" the shorter black haired man said in his cheery "it's such a bright day" voice that always led Reita to believe it was another yellow day in that empty head.

Reita just grimanced he hated being judged in the morning even more than actually being greeted, "Good Morning" by the man. Just let mornings be dreadful.

Reita decided to say nothing and switched his attention to Yutaka as he watched him put the fresh goods in their tray to be on display. It's not that he disliked Kai that could never be the case. The time they shared together was too strong to just efface like it was nothing. When he looked at Kai, associated with him, and just working with him now even; made him remember. When he just wanted to forget: The warm lights, the fans screaming their names, the feeling of strings under his fingers that he worked in the depths of practice and hope till they bled. Why torture himself this way was a question always on his mind while staying here with Yutaka. To see that smile, to hear good morning; and with much unwelcomed appearance flooding is mind even his ears comes the ring of a smooth bass. A pounding rhythmic drum beat, the screaming guitars..a voice..all connecting together. Burning in his mind, fueling the prism that fanned out to everything to create that, that was...A warm colored dream.

But that was years ago..

"Akira honestly you could help sometimes" were the words that snapped him out of his second reviree of the morning.

"Have you ever stopped to think that maybe its not my face that's scaring people away but your cooking?" Reita let out a light chuckle seeing Kai roll his eyes and try his best to ignore Reita's comment. All the while trying to retort with his own and failing miserably. He was never one to be mean so his tongue wasn't as sharp nor as quick. As he accepted defeat Reita's lips curled into a light smirk as Kai meerly stuck out his tongue in Reita's direction.

"Whatever Akira" the shorter man finally replied as he closed the case and leaned against it in a manner similar to Reita's.

"I just want to have a good day and give people nice food" the shorter man sighed.

"Oh? i was under the impression that this was sugar coated poison"

"One day you'll appreciate my cooking my sweets will soon take over the world!~" Yutaka said raising his fist in the air and a bright smile spreading across his face.

"If you say so" Reita replied laying his head down on the counter sighing still tired from the night before. Yutaka couldn't help but roll his eyes all too familiar with Reita's nightly adventures he didn't judge him for it. Not Ever. But it was just never a way he thought of him to be.

"So can you tell me her name this time Aki?"

"Shut up" was his only reply.

"Guess not. Honestly Akira I'd think you'd at least learn her name. The playboy act was one i never thought to fit you"..... he trailed off. Oh how he wished to say more but those words rolled off to deaf ears one to many times and Kai knew it. Even so he guessed it didn't hurt to try despite the taller man's blockheaded stubbornness.

To those words Reita's head snapped up.

"Its none of your-"

Reita's response was cut short with the bell of the shop door ringing and a customer sauntering in. Her long black hair flowing behind her, almost obscuring the few of her companion coming in behind her. Kai's smile brightened and Reita just turned his back to them pretending to occupy himself with the case of baked goods behind him.

He could hear the woman's voice as she chose her poison. Her voice was light and sweet but not that of a young girls'. Reita glanced at her through the corner of his eye. She was beautiful was Reita's first thought but that was soon ignored,as he looked a little longer, and he thought that she looked to much the business type for him her face too serious her clothes...to drab. She has no color anyway..

Her partner stayed quiet next to her. Reita was unable to tell what he was looking at because of the huge glasses that covered half of his face. The black and blonde haired man tried to remain ambivalent for the simple fact he didn't want to face them, but something about the man seemed familiar to him. He was short, shorter than Reita for sure. His attire, stylish but bland much like hers was. Although it almost seemed like he tried to perk it up with the bracelet that hung from his wrist and a few necklaces that dangled from his neck. His hair was brown, auburn almost and slightly curled. With bangs that were angled and started off short on one side and got longer as they went across. This made Reita scoff, irritated at how close to detail he had looked at the man's appearance. He looked away before he could let his mind take in further detail leaving him wondering why he didn't just look at the woman. Wondering what small flicker of a feeling he had felt that made the man seem familiar to him. And why he couldn't take his eyes off him.

Kai turned to Reita hitting him lightly and whispering to him that it was rude to turn your back and do nothing. Reita had been glancing at the shorter man across the counter for so long, that he hadn't even realized his back really was just turned to them. He had stopped moving his hands in false work long ago. This fact irritating him further as he must of just looked like a idiot standing there with his back turned. He pulled out the sweets the woman had suggested from the case he was in front of; giving it to Kai to package away into a small box neatly. For the first time Reita turned fully to face the couple after another hit from Kai. Not once did Kai lose his smile as he asked politely if there would be anything else they needed. To that, the woman placed her well manicured hands on her box lightly; turned to her partner and asked him sweetly, "Don't you want anything Takanori?".

AN:/ Ok so that's it for this chapter please forgive my horrible editing skills my stories only get looked at by me so it's sometimes hard for me to recognize when i make a lot of mistakes in the story. I sort of picture Ruki looking more business themed than normal and his hair similar to the pledge/invisible wall era i hope you all enjoy the story so far ^.^


Title: Shadow
Chapter: 1/1 Oneshot
Pairing: ReitaxRuki
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the story sadly
Summary: What is a shadow really?
Comments: Sorry for this llD completely short piece of bleh. I'm such a bad writer i know I'm just trying to clear writers block.

[You know Ruki..you were right]You know Ruki..you were right.

As much as i hate to admit it chuckling to myself like this, bitter, on this stage.

I didn't help you and oh, did i find it hypocritical. Because it was, that strength and the persona. But that doesn't matter now. No matter how fake or even how real it might've been.

I hated you.

As Ruki, even as Takanori.

Who were you?

Did you even fucking know?

I feared the life you gave me. Could i ever just be Akira again?

I wasn't fucking lonely you were. You weren't stronger for not admitting it.

I don't remember how anymore but...

It changed, my perspective of you. Oddly but oh so drastically as i watched you, really watched you. For the first time, cover with makeup what you wanted to hide. And change the color of the eyes you didn't want to see and even, as i now realize, introduce yourself in a name that wasn't of the disowned.

It's foolish of me now to actually see the actions of the insecure. The actions of the broken but the oh so well put together.

Does it hurt?

To not like what you see? Even though I'd never admit it to you i know it does. Very well. I saw you claw it away that body that you hated. I watched you Let it drip the blood you wanted to run cold. I would've done the same but...you shouldn't have...is that hypocritical?

Do you know what i think about shadows?

I think they are a blank canvas of ourselves. They only show up in the appearance of the light even as it's disappearing.

They span out away from us in a outline of that which we should have, that which we are leaving behind that has become nothing but a mere fragment of ourselves. You can never embrace that shadow, tell it you love it, how perfect it is, how beautiful it is, how purely a part of you it was and can be.

I will never fully understand you Ruki. Especially now.


You're right Ruki. About these oh so hypocritical words...

"I love you Ruki..Takanori

I love the life you gave me. I want to be Akira even if, only to you.

I was lonely..and so were you.

Its ok if you didn't know who you were i knew what i fell in love with."

I wanted to overlap with your shadow.

A/N: i hope you liked this odd onesided retiuki llD comments are always welcome tell me what you think ^^~ update on Love Dopamine I'm Addicted like it's Cocaine soon~
Title: "Love? Dopamine? I'm Addicted Like It's Cocaine"
Chapter: Prologue/Chapter 1 Just Gloomy
Pairing: Reita/Ruki Ruki/OC
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the story sadly
Summary: The band has split apart leaving Reita in a cold new life he never wanted that he fills with apathy and girls. Until Ruki shows up again in a way that Reita never expects.
Comments: sorry if this totally blows llD and if there are a ton of errors I'm sorry i hope you all like it.

[Chapter 1]“Reila….she’s dead I’m so sorry Ruki"


“I love you more than anyone else”
“Tomorrow you’ll surely come home right?”


The blood on the napkins alongside the knife skewed on the table with blood.
That blood is yours.
And thats you. In that black bag that couldn't shield the room from the coldness of your body.


“What do you mean you want the band to break up?! Ruki?!”


“I loved you a lot but it’s time to part”
“Farewell we’ll definitely meet again, right?”
“You, whom I love, become a precious memory”</i>


Pinkies that got linked in promises and words I never got to say where wrapped up until they couldn't breathe by this gold ring and now they’re gone.


And then her pale hands wrap around his.

"And they say wives like to stare at their rings" she says with a smile that reaches her eyes

This, that I’m seeing through a hazy colored loophole, is a warm colored dream.


So you’ll call me later today then she said dreamily. What her name was, Akira honestly couldn’t remember.

“Fuck what was her name?”

Yeah, sureHe shrugged casually as he watched her watch him with the most hopeful look, he hated when they looked like that, that’s why he tried to avoid eye contact as much as possible especially in these awkward morning moments where everything is as much of a lie as it was the night before. Probably even more so now that nothing was groggy, hazed and said over slurred tongues with promises he obviously never intended to keep. Why couldn't they understand that?

Akira was never too sure but he never took the time to stop and think about it himself either. In the end he figured it didn’t really matter if he saw her again he’d ignore her. Lying always became a girl’s favorite passion after he was done with them as far as he was concerned.

When did things stop mattering?

Akira wasn’t too sure of that either, at least he couldn't really pinpoint it anymore and maybe he never knew what it was to begin with. But he had this feeling. That knawing feeling you get when you know you’re sure something in you changed. something you thought would be burned in the deepest part of your memories would always be there until the day you die. But suddenly everything stopped and someone said goodbye… Yeah Akira wasn’t too sure but between the groggy grey sky, that was there no matter what season it was, and the damn annoying street that he walks down day to day that practically screams boulevard of broken dreams it didn’t fucking matter. So he lights up another stick, just more smoke to thicken the fog.

To Nameless Liberty ReitaxRuki

Title:Road To Nameless Liberty
Chapter:2 "If im this im sure as hell not that"
Paring: ReitaxRuki RukixOC
Rating:NC-17 ?(i guess)
Disclaimer:i don't own anything but the story (cause if i did there'd be way to much fanservice on stage xD)
Summary: Reita and Ruki had always been friends that was clear and they never thought much else of it they were bandmates, brothers trying to reach their dreams in a semi-feudal Japan but as they get closer to their dreams a rift will set their worlds ablaze (sorry i suck ass at summaries ^^ll)
Notes: Thoughts are underlined speech is bold

So he apologized for something he wasn't sorry forCollapse )

I'm so nervous

I'm going to be posting the first chapter of my first fanfic soon and i'm so nervous please check it out when it comes your comments and reviews will mean a lot!~